“Love the Way You Lie” by Eminem and Rihanna provides a dramatic depiction of domestic violence. It has brought the issue into the public sphere, which in itself is a positive thing - hiding domestic abuse underneath social stigma isolates victim-survivors and allows those in power to blithely ignore its existence with little public backlash. Thus, many will agree that the production of such a high profile song/video dedicated to the issue will inevitably have some positive repercussions. Beyond this, the predominant reaction seems to be one of confusion. Regarding the ways in which women and women’s issues are depicted in the media, I’ll admit I’m not usually short of an opinion, but when a friend asked for my thoughts about “Love the Way You Lie”, I was stumped. Investigating analyses of it online, it seemed many others were similarly perplexed. This is because the song simultaneously initiates both very helpful and very detrimental portrayals of violence. Quite how it has managed this, I really don’t know. It’s certainly quite a feat.
On the positive side, in addition to raising awareness, the song gives a rudimentary insight into the mind of a domestic violence perpetrator. The internet isn’t sure whether Eminem is drawing upon personal experience or using dramatic licence, but either way, his depiction of the situation is at least more complex than the stereotypical good guy who snapped.
In terms of the negative aspects of the song, Rihanna’s lyrics “just gonna stand there and hear me cry, but that’s alright because I love the way you lie” and “just gonna stand there and watch me burn, but that’s alright because I like the way it hurts” seem to confuse domestic violence with BDSM. This interpretation is accentuated by the way that Rihanna delivers these lines in the video, nicely summed up here as, “what is Rihanna doing with her face?” Her expressions are solely those of sexual pleasure and engagement with the viewer. I am not disagreeing that domestically violent relationships elicit a huge array of emotions – indeed sexuality, and even consensual BDSM, are not necessarily exempt from the picture - but I think that the song/video’s portrayal of a predominantly sexual response to such brutality is entirely unhelpful. You can’t get much closer to victim blaming than having the victim literally saying “that’s alright” when faced with “lies” and “burn[ing]” (literally, at the end of the song, “tie her to the bed and set the house on fire”).
Rihanna has said that both she and Eminem have “experienced” domestic violence “on different sides”. Considering the widely publicised abuse against Rihanna by her then-boyfriend Chris Brown, it is reasonable to assume that her comments suggest that she is a victim-survivor while Eminem has been/is a perpetrator. Does this make their collaboration more powerful or simply more profitable and sensationalist?
Rihanna’s lyrics can be interpreted on a deeper level. As in a portion of real life relationships, she may be staying with her abuser because she loves him. Her lines could represent an attempt to explain away or justify his behaviour. Whether this is the song’s intention, I don’t know. But given the prevalence of domestic violence myths and widespread ignorance about the issue, I don’t think the majority of the audience will be looking for such a subtle analysis, especially not in the context of Eminem’s previous work (such as “Kim” in which he overtly depicts murdering his ex wife). While I am very much in favour of a complex analysis of domestic violence via mainstream channels, I don’t think that the key elements of this song (Eminem’s very blatant, leave-nothing-to-the-imagination lyrics, the sexualisation to sell the product) lead the listener towards the more subtle interpretation. As such, the audience is likely to come away with the more overt message, which, paraphrased, is “it’s alright that you are hurting me and making me cry because I love/like it”.
- Lizzy
Dear Lizzy,
ReplyDeleteThank you for making me think about this, as I no longer pay that much attention to mainstream 'pop' I hadn't even noticed this song. Your post made me think about what we WOULD want a song to say about domestic abuse.
I suppose to some extent I am always glad of any discussion (and you say this too, I know) since it might mean that a woman somewhere hears a debate and realises there may be a different kind of life out there. To that degree then, (and I'm no fan of either of these artists) this number wins my vote.
But as you say, the SM-submissive woman is such a vile and blaming stereotype, it would be stronger if the woman had at least been able to articulate some more positive wish.
Kate xxx.
Dear Kate,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment, it's a good point about what we would want a song to say. By coincidence I'm working on a post at the moment about a couple of songs which I think deal with DV in a more positive way.
As you said, hopefully the song will at least have positive effect indirectly, even if the content itself could be better.
Lizzy x
When I first listened to the song I felt it was quite condescending to women who had suffered DV....at no time do I think a woman 'loves' the torture of living with a partner who is abusive, whether physically or emotionally.
ReplyDeleteThe lyrics depict a love of this abuse...which in general terms, reiterates a view that is commonly held, i.e. that those women who stay in an abusive relationship actually do so because they enjoy the thrill of it!!!!
I personally don't think the song has done much to advance or alter the understanding of why women choose to remain in such relationships.
Simone
Simone - I agree with you. It is strange that they have chosen these lyrics considering that Rihanna has experienced DV and has been very clear in other media that it wasn't something she enjoyed at all.
ReplyDeleteThe other day I heard someone singing the lyrics in a light hearted way on a day out, presumably they weren't thinking about what they were singing.